Abantu kenshi bavugako bidashoboka ko wahindura imyitwarire y’umuntu, ko utagomba no kubigerageza. Ko ugomba kwemera imyitwarire ye n’imico ye kuburyo budahinduka. Birazwineza ko koko utahatira umuntu guhindura imico ye kubw’imbaraga zawe, ariko hari uburyo wamufasha kumvako agomba guhindura imyitwarire ye.

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1.Umva ikimutera kumva adashaka guhinduka

Kuba uwo mukundana yaba afite imyitwarire ubona idakwiye kandi ukabona idahinduka, haba hari ikintu kibyihishe inyuma gituma adahitamo guhinduka.

Dufate nk’urugero: Niba umukobwa mukundana ubona akubeshya, akabikora uyu munsi, ukamubwira, akongera akabikora undi munsi, akabikora inshuro nyinshi, Ikibazo aho si uko Atari mukuru, kumubwira ngo “jya witwara nk’umuntu ukuze” ntacyo bizahindura kumyitwarire ye. Ahubwo bizatuma akuzinukwa burundu.

2.Musubiriremo, noneho umuhe inama

Inama buri gihe ntizikora muguhindura imyitwarire y’umuntu, kubera impamvu nyinshi. Kenshi harubwo byumvikana nkaho uri kumucira urubanza, cyangwa kuba umufata nk’umunyamakosa bigatuma ahubwo arushaho kurakara, nuko ntiyongere kugutega amatwi.

Ariko igihe umaze gufata umwanya ukamutega amatwi, ukumva impamvu yitwara muri ubwo buryo, n’impamvu ataba ashaka guhinduka, ushobora kumuha uburyo wowe utekereza bwamufasha. Muri ubu buryo biragoranye cyane ko umuntu yakanga kukumva, mu gihe nawe yamaze kukubwira ibibazo bye bimutera kudahinduka.

Kugira ibyo umubwira bigire imbaraga cyane, musubiriremo ikibazo nkuko yakikubwiye. Kumusubiriramo, bizatuma yumva ko wamwumvise kandi wamuhaye agaciro cyane, ko utari kumucira urubanza, umuhindura kungufu.
Musubiriremo incuro nk’ebyiri, kugira yumve neza ko impamvu ze wazumvishe.

3.Itware nk’uko ushaka kubona yitwara

Inama burya ngo zumvikana, iyo uwo ubwira abonako nawe ibyo umubwira aribyo ukora. Niyo mpamvu uba ugomba kubaka uburyo bw’imyitwarire ushaka ko uwo ukunda yagira. Bizagusaba kubikora muri ubu buryo:

Ni ukumwereka, si ukumubwira. Mwereke mumigenzereze uko yakora ibintu mubundi buryo.

Kumwemerera Atari ukumuhakanya Bikamuha ubutumwa bumubwira, “dore ibyo wagakwiye guhita utangira gukora,” aho kuba “kubera iki utahagarika gukora gutyo koko?”

Biri muntekerezo zacu. Twese tugerageza gukora nk’ibyo tubonana abandi, biroroshye ko nubwo umuntu atavuga, umuntu yareba uburyo yitwara nawe agahitamo kwitwara nkawe. Niba rero uwo mukundana nawe akubonana ingeso mbi, ntazumva inama zawe.

Urugero rworoshye: Niba uwo mukundana adakunda kubyina, wowe shyiramo indirimbo, utangira ubyine. Azabona bishimishije, numufata akaboko azemera aze umwigishe kubyina.

4.Shyiraho imbibi

Kwemera imyitwarire y’uwo mukundana si ikintu gikomeye cyane cyemeza ko umwitayeho. Niba imyitwarire ye imubangamiye kandi nawe ikubangamiye, ni igihe cyo kuba washyiraho imbibe.

Gushyiraho umurongo ngenderwaho, bivuze kutemera imyitwarire imwe ni mwe mu mibanire yanyu. Ubwo rero, urukundo rwanyu rugira umurongo ngenderwaho rutagomba kurenga.

Impamvu bashyiraho umurongo ngenderwaho, ni ukugira ibintu bive murujijo, yaba muri wowe no kuwo mukundana, ibigomba kwemerwa n’ibitagomba kwemerwa.

Niba umugabo wawe atwara imodoka yiruka cyane, ushobora kumubwira: “Ntukomeze gutwara wihuse.” Bimusubiriremo. Ese kumubuza gutwara yiruka bivuze iki? Ese ntiyatwara yiruka ari mu muhanda utarimo imodoka nyinshi?

Musobanurire neza umubwire ahantu atagomba kujya atwara yiruka cyane. Icyo gihe, uba uri kugenda ushyiraho umurongo ngenderwaho mu rukundo rwanyu.

5.Nawe jya wemera guhinduka

Nta kintu gituma umuntu yumva yahinduka nko kubona nawe wemera kuba wahinduka. Niba nawe uziko ufite imyitwarire uwo mukundana atishimira, shyiramo imbaraga uhinduke.

Imbaraga abona ushyira muguhinduka kugira ngo umushimishe, nizo mbaraga nawe azashyira mukugira ngo nawe ahindure imyitwarire ye agushimishe.

Ugomba kwibuka ko, mu rukundo rwanyu muri babiri kandi mungana. Ntuzigere na rimwe usaba uwo mukundana ikintu, nawe uziko utamuha. Wimusaba guhinduka ngo akunezeze kandi nawe udashaka guhinduka ngo umunezeze. Wimusaba kukumva kandi nawe utamwumva.

Nibyo koko ko utashobora guhindura undi muntu, niwe ubwe ushobora guhindura imyitwarire ye. Ariko ibyo ntibivezeko ntacyo wabikoraho.